Those Advice given by A Father That Helped Us during my time as a First-Time Father

"In my view I was simply in survival mode for the first year."

One-time Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the demands of becoming a dad.

Yet the truth rapidly became "very different" to his expectations.

Severe health problems during the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into becoming her main carer in addition to taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, every nappy change… each outing. The job of both parents," Ryan explained.

After 11 months he burnt out. That was when a conversation with his parent, on a park bench, that led him to understand he required support.

The direct phrases "You're not in a healthy space. You need some help. What can I do to support you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His experience is far from unique, but rarely discussed. While society is now more accustomed to addressing the pressure on moms and about PND, less is said about the difficulties new fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his challenges are part of a wider reluctance to communicate among men, who continue to absorb harmful perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and remains standing with each wave."

"It's not a sign of failure to seek help. I didn't do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to admit they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - particularly in front of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental state is equally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the opportunity to ask for a pause - taking a short trip overseas, separate from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He understood he required a change to consider his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the day-to-day duties of looking after a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son better understand the expression of feelings and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen did not have consistent male guidance. Even with having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, deep-held emotional pain resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing feelings caused him to make "bad decisions" when younger to alter how he felt, finding solace in drink and drugs as an escape from the hurt.

"You find your way to behaviours that aren't helpful," he notes. "They might briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Coping as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, speak to a friend, your other half or a counsellor how you're feeling. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the pursuits that made you feel like you before the baby arrived. Examples include going for a run, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Look after the physical health - nutritious food, physical activity and if you can, sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is faring.
• Meet other first-time fathers - hearing about their stories, the difficult parts, as well as the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that asking for help is not failure - prioritising you is the most effective way you can look after your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead offer the stability and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - processing the feelings safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men since they acknowledged their pain, altered how they talk, and learned to manage themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, at times I believe my role is to guide and direct you how to behave, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning just as much as you are on this path."